Who Should Be the Next Batman? I’ve Got a List!

One-third serious, two-thirds satire!


EDITOR’S NOTE: I’m legit on three of the following, guess which ones in the comments below! – “Jett”

Now that we know Ben Affleck is no longer our Batman on film (though you should’ve known that for essentially 2 years now) and we’re getting a new cinematic Dark Knight, a slew of outlets are putting together these “Who Should Be the Next Batman” lists.

But not BOF.

Until now.

The reason I resisted is due to the fact that a majority of the lists were, well, total BS.

They were nothing more than clickbait; unrealistic recommendations made simply to rile up Batman fans with their ridiculous suggestions.

Regardless, I have caved, and I apologize.

In order to keep up with the internet Jones’, I now present to you BOF’s, official, ahem, “Who Should Be the Next Batman” list.

Here we go!

Armie Hammer

Armie Hammer: Not only is the dude a really good actor, but he is also very much physically-suited for the role.  And hell, he was once cast as Batman a decade-plus ago (in the never — but almost — made JUSTICE LEAGUE: MORTAL), maybe now is finally his Bat-time.

Nicholas Hoult

Nicholas Hoult: This British thespian is a fine up and coming actor that kinda reminds me of Christian Bale c. 1999 when CB was all the Bat-rage.  He’s also 6′ 3″, so he’s got the height to be Bruce Wayne.

Robert Pattinson

Robert Pattinson: If you’re hung up on TWILIGHT, I think you need to see more of this cat’s recent stuff — like GOOD TIME.  This guy can act…and he’s over 6′ tall.  And if you think he’s too thin, well, there are these things called “gyms” which are filled with these things called “weights.”

Bob Odenkirk

Bob Odenkirk: What a GREAT actor.  BREAKING BAD and BETTER CALL SAUL…enough said!

Clint Eastwood

Clint Eastwood: Yes, I know he’s nearing 90, but he’s still going strong!

I’m not thinking about him being the old Bruce Wayne in a BATMAN BEYOND movie, OK?  I’m talking straight-up, in the prime Bruce/Batman.

How?  That’s easy…

Digitally de-age him back to his RAWHIDE days!

And if you don’t think he can fight, go watch EVERY WHICH WAY BUT LOOSE and ANY WHICH WAY YOU CAN. #DeAgeClintForTheBatman

Errol Flynn

Errol Flynn: If we can de-age Clint Eastwood for THE BATMAN, then we can re-create the great action star of the early 20th century as Batman via CGI/Mo-cap.

Betty White

Betty White: Betty White is awesome and is damn near 100 and still kicking ass.  That alone gets you in the playing the Batman on film conversation!

Steve and Blue

Steve from BLUE’S CLUES: Steve is one of the greatest detectives ever.  Wouldn’t you love to see Batman with his handy-dandy notebook solving a crime?  And Blue the dog can also play Ace, The Bat-Hound.

The Batcave totally needs a “Thinking Chair.”

Wile E. Coyote

Wile E. Coyote: Unlike the aforementioned Armie Hammer, Mr. Coyote actually was “Batman” before.  Also, he’s under contract with Warner Bros., so not having to spend a lot of money on the lead actor will help out with the budget.

Oscar the Grouch

Oscar the Grouch: He’s a down and dirty, man of the street just like Batman.  He also lives in a garbage can — which I’m thinking is probably cleaner than the Batcave with all the bat guano. (Of course, maybe the Cookie Monster would’ve been a better suggestion because he’s definitely got the voice!)

President Abraham Lincoln, #16

Abraham Lincoln: Happy 210th birthday Mr. President!

If he can save an entire country, he surely can save Gotham.

Well, what do y’all make of my list?  Do any of your candidates tickle your fancy?  Post your thoughts, takes, and opinions in the comments below! – Bill “Jett” Ramey